[jamesn.]

Dennis; Yes my name is James; and thank both you and Shaheda so very much for responding to this question of mine concerning Shame. Yes; as you both surmise this is a huge issue I think that needs so much more attention than it’s been getting and I think in large part because most people don’t really know what it is; but even more important how crippling it can be. Not only is it so hard to talk about; social media and society in general shun any attempt at revealing one’s inner weaknesses and pain because it also exposes their own inner wounds for possibly being criticized as well. So masks are created to hide our pain; often for some through persona devices like self-aggrandizement or more importantly through certain social behaviors like “bullying”. To make another feel small or less important by hiding their own vulnerability this behavior also re-enforces other negative social behaviors like lying or deception which are other ways or forms this infection of the soul is allowed to fester. It is a “Hydra or Medusa” of the worst order; that as you both have illustrated can also be the source of tremendous personal transformation if realized; but herein lies the difficulty I think because to understand and access these wounds one must also realize not only what caused them; but how to heal them.

Dennis; your lecture on this issue I think provided a very important insight that was further addressed in  Michael Meade’s lecture that same week on one’s “Inner Genius”; when he talked about where our “Inner Genius” lies which is behind our pain and our wounds. But he also approached this critical need by adding another way to think about it which you also addressed by personal writing. Meade said that there is an inner desire to not only “Witness” our inner self; but also it is just as important – “to be Heard”! I think here is one of the greatest gifts humanity has to offer itself; because by entering into a dialogue with our inner personhood and sharing it with both with oneself as well as others we allow others to also become vehicles of healing and wholeness; and the raising of consciousness itself. And whether one’s inner process of dialogue is instigated through journaling, through support groups, or through just sharing one’s pain through that most important of human relationships – (that of Friendship); we become more than just an individual; we become part of our larger community of human family; we become that realization of what Joseph and so many others throughout history have referred to as: “you and the other are one”. And we are not alone; left in the darkness or our own human suffering! For instance if we consider the definitions below:

“Nihilism” is the belief that nothing matters. Existentialism is the attempt to confront and deal with meaninglessness…to not succumb to nihilism or despair: to not give up or avoid responsibility.”

Then we must come to terms with the questions of not only: who we are; why we are here; and what does our life really mean; but more importantly how we can answer them.

I think there is incredible angst going on in the world right now that not only the Covid crisis has opened up; but this sense that because the ecology is in such dire straights looking ahead that we feel alone and abandoned to helplessness and that our ability to make sense of our existence so often hinges on this ability to reach out and express these things by sharing our fears and our deep inner pain. And these aspects and dimensions of our lives as you both point out; can in many ways be both the source as well as the springboard toward a much larger potential of who we can become. But it is within this internal cocoonlike metamorphosis that we must often retreat to evoke the necessary inner alchemy for this transition of transformation to start. And at the bottom of this Dragon’s lair lies “Shame”; waiting to be realized as the child within us all asking to be recognized and given voice to speak.

(I hope this long drawn out explanation makes sense; because I think this particular issue lies at the very root and heart of much that is going on right now. Suicide rates are exploding; and people are crying out for help to express something they don’t understand. As Joseph mentioned in different ways in different situations that if people don’t address these deep inner needs they risk a schizophrenic crackup because they don’t know what it is that’s ticking inside them. We have fears and repression and anger that needs to be unraveled and understood. Not everyone can afford an analyst; “but everyone can make and be a friend”. That’s Joseph’s theme song he often mentioned of: “the joyful participation of suffering with someone in the sorrows of the world”; and by going into your cave and getting to know your minotaur or your dragon and sharing your fears and sorrows; whether on paper, on your hard drive, through your intimate relationships; or even helping a total stranger in need we become that thing we are searching for; that longing to be whole when we fell from the metaphoric Grace of Eden’s Garden of our Shame; and we are to find that Jesus or Buddha that lies within us all.)

Again; thank you both so very much for listening and responding to this issue; I have more to add for I think it is a very critical concern right now ; especially with Covid raging across the planet and it’s new variants starting to emerge that may be even more dangerous than what we have been dealing with at present. And then there is climate change and global warming looming in the distance. Not to sound alarmist; but I think it’s so important that we will need to be able to use every emotional resource we have at our disposal looking forward to what Joseph called: “our freefall into the future”. I think is this more than evident when one looks at the news; and even though Joseph stated:” the world is a mess and you are not going to change that reality. What we can do is change ourselves and the way we understand our interior. And I think understanding Shame is one place real inroads can be made.

[Shaahayda Rizvi]

Thank you for your beautiful concise answer Dr. Slattery, and for Jung’s words that no process of individuation can begin without an initial crucifixion. Thank you also for your generous time accorded to my simple question.  If I may ask another question.  You write, “(shame) It can arise from feelings of unworthiness, of being dirty, of being enslaved to many forms of addiction.” Indeed so. That is the inner shame. What about the outer shame? The one where societal institutions inflict shame on the individual, as in ordering psychotherapy for young children without some good cause, as the judicial system is known to do in cases of juvenile delinquency. Instead of getting to the root cause of the issue, the courts appoint a psychologist to probe and label the already traumatized child. The reasons vary. In some cases it’s to shame the child and the parents, and in some cases to demonstrate control, and of course many other reasons too. These children are often very bright, not marked with innumerable mental and emotional  deficits that the courts demonstrate.

The very term Juvenile delinquency is a term used for a  young person who has committed a criminal offence. Referring to a young child as delinquent, hence a criminal, is tantamount to shaming him/her. There are countries that are trying to refine the term because there is  recognition of harm done to the young just by labelling thus. This sort of shaming by institutions is quite problematic. Scandinavian countries  have worked hard to move away from harsh labels because of the overall damage such shaming causes. The UN has used the phrase ‘children in conflict with the law’ to describe the situation with school attendance and has urged others to use these  terms with care.

Quoting Shultz on outer shame, “Shame in the presence of other people, gives us the impulse to run away and hide. We don’t belong, we don’t deserve to be here, we are no good. We are exposed, to be condemned and expelled from the others, be they individuals, groups, or the whole human race. We are cast out, alone, and cut off, and the cause of our dismemberment is our own deficiency or deformity or constitutional inadequacy, perhaps our exhibitionism.”

Delinquency trials in court rooms end up hurting young children by  publicly  shaming them in front of a large number of people. My view is that juvenile delinquency does not belong in court rooms, but requires a civil discourse between teachers, student, parents and  guardians.  The young mostly need compassion, not shame. Your thoughts?

Thank you very much

Shaahayda

[Dennis Slattery]

Yes, Shaheda, if I can use that spelling, out shame has been institutionalized in many ways. For example, I began my teaching career in the fall of 1968 teaching 11 “Special Education” students. Now some had neurological damage, others had trouble controlling themselves and had been put in this “Special” class to get them away from the “normal students” as the principal told me. Some were very bright and were bored in the regular classroom. But to be in the “special” class was a shaming of them and the other students in the school shunned them, as if they were carrying a disease.

I also learned how psychological testing could be used to “dump” the student into the special class. I think poverty and keeping a large section of the population is a way of shaming an entire people.

Another way is to shame a person who was once an inmate by restricting them from voting, acquiring certain jobs and more, so that their time in the “correctional” institution–what a lovely term, does nothing to alleviate the shame the culture bestows on these citizens by stripping them down into some less-than-human element.

I believe that culturally-sanctioned and promoted shaming is a form of violence–shall I say even a rape–of individual dignity.

Like rape, it is an act of violence that stigmatizes certain populations, thus keeping them in their “rightful place” in the hierarchy.

I like very much what you say at the end of your fine observations; you are right–shaming is a way to silence individuals and entire classes in society. Let them be seen but not heard is the assumption from the ruling elite. Thanks  so much for your fine insights. I will indeed read Schultz’s essay very soon.  James, I will respond to your missive in the very near future. I enjoy so much both of you.

[Dennis Slattery]

Thank you James for your insightful series of meditations. Your words spark some responses in me, not the least of which I am gaining by reading James Hollis’ new book, Living Between World: Finding Resilience in Changing Times. There, as far as I’ve read, he homes in on anxiety, which he believes is at the root of so many addictive behaviors as well as protective designs we all use to protect ourselves from delving further into the idea that drives the anxiety. He writes that it is not shameful to have an addiction, but to put the mother lode on the ego seems unfair. He encourages us to ask what purpose the addiction serves and from what is it protecting us? (47). I see anxiety and shame as interconnected. Hollis’ guiding phrase up to where I have read is: our purpose is to figure out what it is about when it is not about what it is about. That is step one.

I think that both shame and anxiety are twin power forces that discourage the deeper plunge into the idea that generates both.

I agree with all that you say, James, about how shame branches out to devour so much of our cultural life today. A sense of compassion for self and others can break this fever of self-protection and aggression. Violence, Hillman has written, is a failure of imagination because it tries to short circuit understanding. Many thanks to you both for this rich discussion.

[jamesn.]

Thank you so much Dennis; your response ties in perfectly with my last request which is directly related to: anxiety, shame, and the debilitating effects of: separation, isolation, and loneliness that are the cause and result of not only low self-esteem; but that of mistrust. Mistrust caused by the inability to share one’s inner feelings which further exacerbates their sense of hopelessness and despair that nothing can come to relieve their pain. This is what happens when shame and loss of community closes all doors. And it contains a much darker milieu talked about in today’s newsfeed where there was an article that specifically articulates what many are feeling now because Covid; and especially “misinformation” has created a social isolation so severe that people do not know who to trust to seek help from their pain and isolation. And when one considers the toxicity and distrust promoted within our newsfeeds and especially social media it is no wonder that this mistrust is a main driver surrounding our new normal. If people fear medical opinion much less vaccines, if they despise people they do not know much less have never met because of encouraged political animosity; then where do they look to find relief, comfort, and hope that they can overcome their inner tragedies and demons.

This is where the second part of my query from the lecture series comes in; (which unfortunately you were not able to attend); which Michael Meade mentions about: “witnessing; and being heard”; which I mentioned here:

Dennis; your lecture on this issue I think provided a very important insight that was further addressed in  Michael Meade’s lecture that same week on one’s “Inner Genius”; when he talked about where our “Inner Genius” lies which is behind our pain and our wounds. But he also approached this critical need by adding another way to think about it which you also addressed by personal writing. Meade said that there is an inner desire to not only “Witness” our inner self; but also it is just as important – “to be Heard”! I think here is one of the greatest gifts humanity has to offer itself; because by entering into a dialogue with our inner personhood and sharing it with both with oneself as well as others we allow others to also become vehicles of healing and wholeness; and the raising of consciousness itself. And whether one’s inner process of dialogue is instigated through journaling, through support groups, or through just sharing one’s pain through that most important of human relationships – (that of Friendship); we become more than just an individual; we become part of our larger community of human family; we become that realization of what Joseph and so many others throughout history have referred to as: “you and the other are one”. And we are not alone; left in the darkness of our own human suffering!” To many this simple suggestion would seem like a “no brainer”; but if we look deeper I think it would be very difficult to articulate the depth these nuances go to supply the meaning and sense of personhood these relationships provide. For instance how many real friendships does one normally have? Not the virtual chit-chat ones; but the deep heartfelt ones the soul longs for to share one’s innermost thoughts, feelings, and fears with? But it’s more than just having a sounding board to bounce things off of; because as we should know from what our books and art tell us these very special and rare relationships should offer what the soul needs to thrive; for we also know that no soul thrives alone!

____________________________________________

In your brand new project with prison inmates as well as what you have so often encouraged throughout your books and lectures; “personal journaling” you show us is an important resource to establish an inner dialogue with the self so that one may be able to hear what our inner voice is asking for. And indeed when we as individuals seek human contact and are able to share our intimate feelings with others so that we no longer feel alone. AA meetings for instance are a great example where “witnessing and being heard” can have healing results concerning acknowledging our masks and defense mechanisms and what lies behind them; but one thing I think is lacking is understanding our “new normal” is somewhat different in that it also exposes our lack of community in a new and terrifying way. It sends a message that lets you know in no uncertain terms that we are not only alone; but there is now mistrust and fear to contend with on a level not seen before that promotes helplessness. Here is where our most valuable weapon can be called forth which is that of friendship. This powerful tool has the ability turn adversity into meaning, comfort, and hope; something that can reveal the deeper inner dimensions of who we really are because it lights the candle that illuminates the darkness that surrounds us with an affirmation that only love and compassion and inter-human connection can supply. I know for myself sometimes in closed group settings venting my frustration can often bring a sense of temporary “Catharsis”. A feeling of fighting back against the frustration that grips so many of us. But this is only a band-aid for a much deeper wound that I think many us are experiencing; and whether it visits us through our Shadow projections out loud; or follows us in quiet reflection; we are still confronted by this social dilemma that seems to know no end in sight.

I think this ties in very much with personal expression and our psyche’s inner need to express itself; to make sense of what we are surrounded by in a way that provides affirmation to our existence that we share with others. And it does this in a way where we can actually experience that ultimate goal of the psyche that Jung refers to of: “being-in-being”. (What Joseph refers to as experiencing: “the rapture and wonder of being alive”; not just that of mere existence; and which goes past meaning.)

I see more and more as your important work points out that people don’t know themselves; and that furthermore as Joseph points out; that the world is a wasteland that we must deal with in learning how live within a system that must “not” be allowed to rob us of our personal selfhood. And by getting in touch with who we are this road or path becomes a gateway to see our interhuman connection with others as well as healing our inner wounds.

One of our chief moderators; Michael Lambert; over the years has brought up the importance of teaching kids to: “write about themselves”; to explore their inner feelings and to connect these insights to their developing understanding of what archetypes and mythic themes are and to be able to see these things in everyday life and how this relates to them. But what one of the most illuminating questions he would often have to address from them is: “I just don’t know how to write about myself”. I think this question lies at the very heart of why people feel so disconnected to themselves; which is one of the main issues I think your work is so critically concerned with.

Now I bring this up because I wanted to directly address an issue that Shaheda and I; as well as others like Marianne, Stephen, and Michael have talked about on various occasions which is teenage disconnection. And it most often raises it’s head with teen gun violence and crime in a world that doesn’t seem to care. The rising numbers are staggering; and yet no one seems to know how to address the cultural divides that exacerbate it; and as this drift away from the previous moorings that society always depended on to provide guidance and help; such as religion; no longer work because as Joseph pointed out they are no longer relevant to the reality in which they are enveloped. Here is where personal writing can become a weapon against despair as you point out; as well as a lifeline to a sense of friendship and community that can be nurtured that Michael Meade mentioned; but these other new social dynamics I mentioned I think are changing the rule book. Covid and mistrust; especially on social media are isolating people more and more in regards to this inner despondency and angst; especially among teenagers; and to bridge these gaps I think is going to take more than just the same old approaches.

There was a movie I referred to in one of my other posts called: “The Freedom Writers Diary” where teacher Erwin Gruwell used personal writing as a gateway to opening up possibilities to who they could become; and went on to build a foundation that teaches others how to do this as one example. But my point has to do with connecting some of these various dots as to how you see or interpret these “new normal” dynamics through your own ideas; (like you talk about in your book of: Writing Myth/Mythic Writing); of breaching this guardian gateway for writing, sharing, and being heard, and sense of friendship and community as weapons seen in within your own philosophy of how to combat these forces we face; and if you wouldn’t mind sharing some of your personal thoughts about this. You have spoken so eloquently and passionately from your own personal experience of using “the pen in your hand” to make these connections to open this door. And I find the biggest hurdle to overcome sometimes is our own reluctance to share these things with others in a way we can get past these gate guardians where our dragon or minotaur lies waiting for us to do battle with our own fears.

Again as before; my apologies if my post seems somewhat more convoluted than before; and I know this may be a bit longer and more complicated request than before; but I also think it has very deep relevance to what now we are currently facing concerning Covid, mistrust, and the frightening insecurities that many are dealing with; not only for kids but for grownups as well. You have been so very kind with your thoughts and your time; and please know that what you have shared is so deeply appreciated.

[Shaahayda Rizvi]

Hello James,

Thank you  for another powerful post which touches on many topics especially the Jung lecture series in which Dennis, Hollis and others participated as well. Through you, James, I learned of the lectures and heard them with much attention and enthusiasm.  The section of your post that caught most of my attention was the matter of ‘being heard’. You wrote:

“Meade said that there is an inner desire to not only “Witness” our inner self; but also it is just as important – “to be Heard”! I think here is one of the greatest gifts humanity has to offer itself; because by entering into a dialogue with our inner personhood and sharing it with both with oneself as well as others we allow others to also become vehicles of healing and wholeness; and the raising of consciousness” itself.”

I’ll  expand on why it caught me so, and in doing so,  I’ll give a brief outline of the events here in Canada.

Background

A sad, cruel and macabre part of Canada’s hidden history made headlines during the first week in June after ground-penetrating radar located the remains of 215 First Nations children in a mass unmarked grave on the grounds of the former Kamloops Indian Residential School (KIRS).  The discovery of Indigenous children found in KIRS shook  Canada to its core. Calls for a public apology  from the federal government and the Catholic Church came pouring in.  But first, what is KIRS?

Kamloops Indian Residential School (KIRS)

“The term residential schools refers to an extensive school system set up by the Canadian government and administered by churches that had the nominal objective of educating Indigenous children but also the more damaging and equally explicit objectives of indoctrinating them into Euro-Canadian and Christian ways of living and assimilating them into mainstream white Canadian society. The residential school system officially operated from the 1880s into the closing decades of the 20th century. The system forcibly separated children from their families for extended periods of time and forbade them to acknowledge their Indigenous heritage and culture or to speak their own languages. Children were severely punished if these, among other, strict rules were broken. Former students of residential schools have spoken of horrendous abuse at the hands of residential school staff: physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological.

The Kamloops Indian Residential school was Canada’s largest such facility and was operated by the Roman Catholic church between 1890 and 1969 before the federal government took it over as a day school until 1978, when it was closed. Nearly three-quarters of the 130 schools were run by Catholic missionary congregations.”

PRESENT DAY

For almost a decade, the indigenous groups led by their  Elders had been requesting the federal government to investigate and address  the disappearance of their children and the abuse of those that attended and survived. Those million prayers and requests were heard last month in May 2021, with the discovery of the bones, and the reports made headlines in June 2021.

“The discovery sent shock waves through the nation, prompting communities from coast to coast to lower their flags to half-staff and hold moments of silence in honor of the children. From Vancouver to Ottawa, children’s shoes, toys and candles have been left at makeshift memorials.”  (Source: NBC news)

FEDERAL GOVERNMENT

Canada’s government called on Pope Francis to issue a formal apology for the role that the Catholic church played in Canada’s residential school system. The government also offered compensation. Flags were lowered, prayers said, shoes and toys left on the steps of KIRS.

Justin Trudeau’s government also pledged to support efforts to find more unmarked graves at the former residential schools which held Indigenous children taken from families across the nation.

“The U.N. Human Rights Office said in an email that Canadian authorities should ensure “prompt and exhaustive investigations” into the deaths of Indigenous children and “redouble efforts” to find their bodies, including by searching unmarked graves.” Source: CBC News

One Example of what the First Nation’s request –

“Stop asking how you can help — and listen, says B.C. residential school survivor. Eddy Charlie, a survivor of the Kuper Island Residential School, doesn’t want people to ask how they can help. Instead, he would like them to just listen to the stories of survivors like himself.”

(It’s been 50 years since Eddy Charlie left the Kuper Island Residential School, just off the east coast of Vancouver Island, and the pain he experienced while forced to attend, he says, has stayed with him throughout his life.

He turned to alcohol as a way of coping, which led to anger and damaged relationships — with his community and his family.

As the discovery of the remains of 215 children buried at the Kamloops Indian Residential School makes headlines around the world, political leaders, activists and allies have taken to social media to offer support and ask how non-Indigenous people can help.

But Charlie says he would rather people just listen.

“I just want people to sit, hear the story about residential school, don’t try to respond,” he said during an interview with All Points West host Kathryn Marlow.

“Don’t try to see what can [you] do. We want people to hear this story for us. It’s not a fairy tale. It’s not something from one of the Stephen King novels. This truly, really happened to 150,000 children.”

“Finding these 215 children buried at Kamloops residential school is one of the biggest wake-up calls in all of Canada,” Charlie said. “It’s time for [people] to take their turn, to listen and hear the stories of residential school survivors.”

Charlie said survivors often carry so much shame and anger that it makes it impossible to talk about their experiences. And if they do talk about it, Charlie said, they’re worried how others will react.) Source: CBC News

“Stop asking how you can help — and listen, says B.C. residential school survivor. Eddy Charlie, a survivor of the Kuper Island Residential School, doesn’t want people to ask how they can help. Instead, he would like them to just listen to the stories of survivors like himself.”

 https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/eddy-charlie-residential-school-survivor-1.6049423

“Yet, soul often awakens in the darkest hours as something deeper and wiser stirs within us. “

Shaheda

 

 

[jamesn.]

Thank you Shaheda for such a powerful insight into exactly what I was attempting to address; which the term I was unaware of had already been identified as: “Social Isolation”. And one of the horrific results that can come about if not understood within it’s proper context is starting to finally gain attention as it is now coming to be realized from your extraordinary piece in the outrageous tragedy of “KIRS”. The psychological dimensions of this nightmare atrocity are beyond human comprehension that such unbelievable treatment of any child could be hidden for so long; and because of race like the holocaust must never be allowed to occur again goes without saying. And even though the depths of human depravity and abuse have been recognized throughout history this takes that realization to a whole other level considering; as she so adamantly pointed out: “that no one would attempt to even listen”!

Although nowhere near as extreme I want to make a connection about “listening and being heard” to an even larger scale because it hasn’t been noticed like it needs to be flying under the radar for so long and only now as the Corona virus has emerged has exacerbated it into full devastating view. In many ways we are becoming increasingly disconnected from each other and this evidence is everywhere hiding in plain sight under the radar of our everyday social consciousness as I’ll show you why.

Below I will leave a copy of an article that continually kept popping up on my newsfeed yesterday that illustrates what I’m talking about.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Associated Press
Poll: Millions in US struggle through life with few to trust
ALEXANDRA OLSON
Thu, June 10, 2021, 7:00 AM

NEW YORK (AP) — Karen Glidden’s loneliness became unbearable during the coronavirus pandemic.
The 72-year-old widow, who suffers from vision loss and diabetes and lives far from any relatives, barely left her house in Champion, Michigan, this past year, for fear of contracting the virus. Finally vaccinated, she was looking forward to venturing out when her beloved service dog died last month.

It doesn’t help that her circle of trusted friends has dwindled to one neighbor she counts on to help her shop, get to the doctor and hang out.

“I feel like I’m in a prison most of the time and once in a while, I get to go out,” said Glidden, whose adult children live in California and Hawaii, where she was born and raised.

She is not alone in her sense of social isolation.

Millions of Americans are struggling through life with few people they can trust for personal and professional help, a disconnect that raises a key barrier to recovery from the social, emotional and economic fallout of the pandemic, according to a new a poll from The Impact Genome Project and The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research.

The poll finds 18% of U.S. adults, or about 46 million people, say they have just one person or nobody they can trust for help in their personal lives, such as emergency child care needs, a ride to the airport or support when they fall sick. And 28% say they have just one person or nobody they can trust to help draft a resume, connect to an employer or navigate workplace challenges.

The isolation is more acute among Black and Hispanic Americans. Thirty-eight percent of Black adults and 35% of Hispanic adults said they had only one or no trusted person to help navigate their work lives, compared with 26% of white adults. In their personal lives, 30% of Hispanic adults and 25% of Black adults said they have one or no trusted people, while 14% of white adults said the same.

Researchers have long debated the idea that the U.S. has suffered from a decline in social capital, or the value derived from personal relationships and civic engagement.

The General Social Survey, a national representative survey conducted by NORC since 1972, suggests that the number of people Americans feel they can trust had declined by the early 2000s, compared with two decades earlier, although there is little consensus about the extent of this isolation or its causes. The rise of social media has added another layer of debate, as experts explore whether it broadens networks or lures people in isolating echo chambers.

The Impact Genome/AP-NORC poll sought to measure how much social capital Americans can count as they try to pick up the pieces of lives fractured by the pandemic. The findings suggest that for many Americans, the pandemic has chipped away at whatever social capital they had going into it.

Americans were more likely to report a decline than an increase in the number of people they could trust over the past year. Just 6% of Americans said their network of trusted people grew, compared with 16% who reported that it shrank. While the majority of Americans said the number of people they could trust stayed the same, nearly 3 in 10 said they asked for less support from family and friends because of COVID-19.

Community bonds have proved to be critical to recovery from calamities such as Superstorm Sandy in 2012, said Jennifer Benz, deputy director of The AP-NORC Center.

But the nature of the pandemic made those bonds difficult or even impossible to maintain. Schools, community centers, churches, synagogues and mosques closed. People couldn’t ask neighbors or grandparents for help with child care or other needs for fear of spreading the virus.

About half of Americans are engaged in civic groups such as religious institutions, schools or community service groups, according to the new poll. And 42% of all adults said they have become less involved with civic groups during the pandemic, compared with just 21% who said they became more engaged.

“Compared to the way social capital can be leveraged in other disasters, the key difference has been that this is a disaster where your civic duty was to be on your own,” Benz said.

Surveys from the Pew Research Center suggested that relocation increased during the pandemic. While some people moved to be closer to family, more relocated because of job loss or other financial stresses.

Warlin Rosso, 29, has moved often in pursuit of financial stability, often at the cost of his social ties.

He left behind his entire family, including 14 siblings, when he immigrated to the U.S. five years ago from the Dominican Republic. He worked at a warehouse in Chicago for three years, sharing an apartment with a girlfriend. But when that relationship fell apart, he couldn’t afford to move out on his own. In December 2019, he relocated to Jackson, Mississippi, where a childhood friend let him move in.

That friend, Rosso said, remains the only person in Jackson he can trust for help. As the pandemic closed in, Rosso struggled in a city where the Hispanic community is tiny.

Through social media, he found work with a Nicaraguan man who owned a construction business. Later, he found a training program that landed him a job as hospital aide.

His co-workers are friendly, but he feels isolated. Sometimes, he said, patients bluntly ask to be helped by a non-Latino worker. He hopes eventually to get a similar job back in Chicago, where he has friends.

“It’s not always welcoming for Hispanics here,” Rosso said. “Here, I’m alone.”
___
The AP-NORC poll of 2,314 adults was conducted March 25-April 15 using a sample drawn from NORC’s probability-based AmeriSpeak Panel, which is designed to be representative of the U.S. population. The margin of sampling error for all respondents is plus or minus 2.9 percentage points.

_____________________________________________________________________________

This is only one of a number of pieces that have been becoming more and more visible about what Covid has helped to bring into view about our increasing social dilemma that underlines what is happening to the human condition because of an increasing rise in our inability to connect with each other on a deep interpersonal level and it’s global. This is the face of our new normal that modern society is presenting that we as human beings must figure out how to address. Social media is both a cause and a savior in many senses because it allows us the ability to interface and interact globally in real time; but at the same time it also in many ways isolates us into separate groups. Modern computer based technology has through the internet become both a boon and an invasive and controlling force; and with the increasing use of Artificial Intelligence with also begin to sculpt our perception of reality in ways we aren’t even aware of such as the use of misinformation for instance.

As Shaheda so precisely and articulately pointed out our ability to: “Listen and be Heard” I think is going to become increasingly more important because as these two pieces illustrate we have only scratched the veneer of a very deep inner need that lies festering underneath the surface of our everyday lives. We are disconnected in a way we are only beginning to realize the scope of as can be seen in the rise of hate groups and growing animosity between people who don’t even know each other and have lost this ability to listen; be heard; and to feel like they have a place at the table of our larger human family.

There is no way this humble little entry can truly identify the larger landscape of this ever growing concern that Covid among other things has begun to reveal; but the ability of people to get to know themselves underneath the surface of their normal everyday conscious I think is going to become a more important part of the demands of future everyday life looking ahead. And simple little things like learning how to write about oneself and reflect on who you are and to know you are not alone I think will not only be desirable but critical for the basic mental health of the society in which they live. Perhaps a new way of integrating religion might be a possibility; but so far there are definite problems that are going to have to be resolved. And maybe this is not doable in the near future; but looking into the distance it may be unavoidable if we as human beings are going to be able to survive; because looming in the distance is climate change and global warming and not just a virus that’s already brought us to an uncertain future which we must figure out how to negotiate looking ahead.

Shaheda offers a powerful reminder of what can happen if we just turn our backs and say: “it’s always been this way”; but as Joseph Campbell also reminded us; even though the world has always been a mess and you are not going to change that reality of life eating life; you participate in it. You can make a choice and engage in this wonderous Operatic nightmare that Joseph describes; or you can continue to be locked in the cage of your own never ending pain which like Joseph also describes: (would be like: “a madman screaming at bughouse walls”). Jung saw this approaching darkness of the human condition coming down the road when he warned about mankind’s future and that we must confront our shadow and integrate it. And I think if we as human beings can learn how to listen and be heard we will be one step closer to opening this door and seeing not only who we are, but who we can become. And Dennis we so appreciate your spending your time and offering your insights so we may better understand how better to accomplish these things.

[Shaahayda Rizvi]

Hello Dr. Slattery and James,

I apologize for taking your time on the same thread again, but thought I’d add another line or two on the topic of shame/crucifixion.

Revisiting your previous answer, where you said, “What your shaming/crucifixion makes me remember is C.G. Jung’s observation that no process of individuation can begin without an initial crucifixion. That condition can arrive in the form of an illness, a loss, a breakup of an intimate relationship and of course so many more.”

You wrote that the ” individuation process is complex”. How complex is also impossible to determine until one is in the middle of  very rough and choppy seas.  Those seeking resurrection need only heed Odysseus. Like him one must remain tied to the mast of the ship, struggling to resist the Sirens’ song, ears plugged with beeswax.

You wrote, “Your equating it with a crucifixion is not off the mark, for becoming conscious of shame’s presence can lead to action, often in the form of a change in attitude towards oneself and others…” This resonates with me and  I am reminded of one of Joe’s quotes:

“If you want the whole thing, the gods will give it to you. But you must be ready for it.”
— Joseph Campbell

And if by “the whole thing”, Joe’s reference is to “resurrection”, then the one seeking it should be prepared for shame/crucifixion. Andre Gide said it well, “You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

I want to link this to our current affairs:  A tragic and macabre part of Canada’s hidden history made headlines during the first week in June after ground-penetrating radar located the remains of 215 First Nations children in a mass unmarked grave on the grounds of the former Kamloops Indian Residential School (KIRS). The discovery of Indigenous children found in KIRS shook Canada to its core. Calls for a public apology from the federal government, compensation, release of records, and the same from the Catholic Church came pouring in.  But the leaders of many tribes in British Columbia, in my view,  are ready for their resurrection.  Why one might ask?

Reason:  they are not seeking compensation, they are not seeking back door legal settlements. They want to tell their story, they want to be ‘heard’. As simple as that.  Take for example, Eddy Charlie of of another Residential School, who says that the pain has stayed with him throughout his life. He turned to alcohol as a way of coping, which led to anger and damaged relationships —

“Stop asking how you can help — and listen, says B.C. residential school survivor. Eddy Charlie, a survivor of the Kuper Island Residential School, doesn’t want people to ask how they can help. Instead, he would like them to just listen to the stories of survivors like himself.”

“Charlie said survivors often carry so much shame and anger that it makes it impossible to talk about their experiences. And if they do talk about it,  they’re worried how others will react. “

It’s when they seek neither compensation, nor awards and memorials but just want to be ‘heard’, with ears plugged with bees wax,  that’s when they are ready. As Joe said,  “If you want the whole thing, the gods will give it to you. But you must be ready for it.”

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/eddy-charlie-residential-school-survivor-1.6049423

“Yet, soul often awakens in the darkest hours as something deeper and wiser stirs within us. “

 

Shaheda

[Shaahayda Rizvi]

Thank you again for this powerful post James, which covers many issues –COVID and isolation, role of social media in our lives, mental health, teen isolation and more.  The issue that  led me to recall this particular story that I am going to tell,  is on teaching kids to write about themselves.

The story is about Alanis Obomsawin, CC GOQ (born August 31, 1932) who is an American Canadian Abenaki filmmaker, singer, artist and activist mostly known for her documentary films. Born in New Hampshire, United States and raised primarily in Quebec, Canada, she has written and directed many National Film Board of Canada documentaries on First Nations issues.

She began her career as a professional singer and storyteller before joining the National Film Board (NFB) in 1967. Her award-winning films address the struggles of Indigenous peoples in Canada from their perspective, giving prominence to voices that have long been ignored or dismissed. The basic purpose of her films is to give a voice to her people and to have their existence recognized — to speak of their values, their beliefs, their songs, and that it’s alright to be a native person in North America.

It was my good fortune to meet Alanis in person, and to hear her sing songs,  and tell stories of her people. Her own story from her life in a school in Trois-Rivière touched me to the bones.  The emotions in her voice as she narrated her short story resonate in my being to this day.

Her parents left New Hampshire and moved to Trois-Rivières, in Quebec, Canada. Her mother’s cousin, initiated her into the history of the Abenaki Nation and taught her many songs and legends. But in Trois-Rivière, she was cut off from her tradition, she spoke little French and not a word of English, but she held tightly to the songs and stories taught by her aunt on the reserve.

James, you wrote,  “One of our chief moderators; Michael Lambert; over the years has brought up the importance of teaching kids to: “write about themselves”; to explore their inner feelings and to connect these insights to their developing understanding of what archetypes and mythic themes are and to be able to see these things in everyday life and how this relates to them. But what one of the most illuminating questions he would often have to address from them is: “I just don’t know how to write about myself”. 

Yes indeed, “I just didn’t  know how to express myself until ” was Alanis’ story.  It so happened that the girls at the Trois-Rivières school had made a practice to circle around Alanis during their lunch break and beat her up. This happened every single day for a year or more, perhaps more. Alanis was  embarrassed, ashamed, as if she had done something wrong. She spoke not a word, to anyone at school. The year she turned 12, was also the year that her father died, and she had to be in school the day after his death. Lunch break arrived, the girls came around to form a circle and begin their beating. This time, Alanis was not the old Alanis, she got up and beat each and every single one of them. They never ever came for her. The beating stopped. Alanis had changed and so did the girls.  She did not say, “it’s always been this way”  she fought back, and       “participated in it and freed herself from an operatic nightmare”.  She refused to be locked in the cage of her never ending pain. That day, I learned a lot from Alanis.

More about Alanis’ films and other works can be found here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alanis_Obomsawin

Shaheda

 

 

[Dennis Slattery]

Thank you for the depth and clarity of your meditations, James. Truly of great value.

One item pops up that you touch on: the disconnect young people feel, towards themselves and others.

My wife and I save 60 Minute shows well after they have aired, because they often deal with archetypal truths so their shelf life is long.

It was a story that Leslie Stahl created, as she interviewed many young people who felt alienated from themselves, their own bodies and genders and from others. So many chose to begin the journey to the other gender. Many have gone through surgery and often had little resistance to beginning hormone treatments and other practices as they crossed over. But it also showed many who felt as depressed and despondent, alienated as they did before, when they felt suicidal.
But in their new or altered bodies some felt worse so they try to cross back. Their stories were at first full of hope, but then as the reality of what they were doing dawned on them, some panicked, or fell back into despondency.

Now all of us at some point may feel being “another” would solve the problems of alienation and a sense of low worth. And for some it does. But this section of the show might and should be made available to others who are thinking of such a radical transition. And this is a symptom of a wider problem. I shiver to think that the numbers of people seeking to belong to something, choose the path of violence and intimidation to satisfy a fantasy they have convinced themselves is true. And it is easy: just believe the election was stolen, then head out to intimidate voters, voter managers and the entire system.

We need to address this as a national health crisis and not just a political choice. Thank you, James. I know I am leaving much else out.

[Dennis Slattery]

Thank you James and Shaahayda for your poignant stories and further sites for reading. I am packing right now for a trip to Ohio early Wed. morning to visit family and friends after two years. I am feeling some anxiety about getting on a plane, but must do it.

I have read your entries above and find that your keeping the conversation going is a treasure to me. I want to acknowledge you both. I am new to posting pieces on the site and you two as well as others have shown me how important it is to reach out to one another as we move deeply into this new pandemic of voter suppression, fake fables of voter fraud and a general turn to violence as a solution. James Hillman wrote that violence is a clear expression of a failed imagination. That lizard part of our brain has been awakened, is stirring and, to paraphrase the poet Yeats, is slouching towards many Bethlehems around the globe, but with its sights set on devouring democracy one chunk at a time.

So much gratitude to you both for keeping the lamp lit to reveal what we must acknowledge and own to some degree.

Ok, off to print out boarding passes and make sure I have all my meds for the adventure. Much love to you both and any other that join the conversation.

[jamesn.]

Dennis; I just want to say how meaningful it is to be able to have these discussions with you and to explore all these different dimensions of these various themes and why they are so important to all of us. I want to add one more topic ingredient to the pot because I definitely think it mixes in with the entire soup batch we have been cooking because I think we need to be thinking in a different way than we are use to about this last component which is “aging and Elder-hood” as opposed to child-hood. If we spent our entire life acquiring: knowledge, wisdom, and experience, why in the world as we age is all of this value that has been accumulated dismissed and as people age; (which by the way we all have a stake in); and the answer is “ageism”. I think this topic is of enormous importance in relation to understanding and making use of not only the mythical dimension of the life process and it’s connection to the ends and means of living itself; but to the very same social and emotional isolation that youth is experiencing and the resulting imbalance within society. The Elderly are isolated from society in much the same way as the young who are just entering Adult-hood; so that the inter-personal inner sense of meaningful life trajectory is not experienced in the same manner and in many ways is excluded and not acknowledged the same social value. With the young it usually goes something like: “Oh, they are too young to know better”; with the elderly: ” They are too old to grasp what is in front of them”. And their social worth is not validated in the same manner or way because it is minimized.

So let us dig a little deeper when we think in terms of social isolation and personal meaning that someone might have or feel when we start to see the rise in suicide rates; (which by the way this pandemic has exacerbated); and add in where the Elderly often wind up as they age-out of social importance and engagement as in retirement for instance. Senior care facilities often become warehouses for the sick and dying without the proper emotional and spiritual nourishment and attention which they might need to draw from; but also we are as a society are denied the accumulated wealth and benefits of their experiences. If we have a youth oriented culture that puts all emphasis on what Adults can offer; how and where will the life experience come from if not from those who have already experienced it? In other words Adults have “immediate” know how; the Elderly have “long range” know how. (Children need both immediate and long range know how.)

So here is where I’m heading with this. For most of human history the elder adults lived and died within the family unit; and grandparents were an essential part of the family structure because the interplay between: young, middle, and elder individuals not only gave life meaning and purpose; it provided the necessary tools to navigate the life process; but there have been some huge alterations within modern society that reflect so much of it’s present dysfunction.

There is a great deal more that could be added about the pressures the modern individual is experiencing concerning not only: digital technology, social media, how the actual living structure of houses and cities have been altered; play into this; but more importantly as Joseph has pointed out there is the loss of social myth and how it has affected this; (which he called our new “Free Fall into the future”); which has to do with the actual glue the older myths provided that once held them together. Because he saw these older mythic structures were losing their relevance because of science and a more secular individualized personal mythic form was taking it’s place.

But saying this I don’t want to make this addition to the topic to complex and I will just stay with “aging” for the moment because it has not been covered and has a great deal to offer this subject of the: “The Power of the Personal”. We need to think about aging differently as AARP’s Dr. Bill Thomas: (recognized as one of the world’s leading authorities on Geriatrics has been suggesting).  And like Joseph has been a real maverick in the groundbreaking way he has been helping to instigate a new healthcare revolution in the way we perceive and approach this oncoming tsunami of elderly coming down the road. (Think Boomer generation population explosion that are now retiring). His books, lectures, and projects are too vast to cover here; but my objective is to point out this subject has been completely left out of most discussions concerning the social relevance to this topic of social isolation; and along with youth needs and development are so important to the way we think of our total life processes, meaning, and interplay concerning where we are now going forward. So with that in mind I’m going to leave a very short YouTube interview that explains some of his insights.

 

[Shaahayda Rizvi]

Dr. Slattery, so much gratitude to you for planting the seeds of the power of the personal. And thank you James and all others who are moving this thread, and branching into different areas of the personal and the power that lies therein.

James, you branched into an immensely important topic of “aging”. You wrote,

” For most of human history the elder adults lived and died within the family unit; and grandparents were an essential part of the family structure because the interplay between: young, middle, and elder individuals not only gave life meaning and purpose; it provided the necessary tools to navigate the life process; but there have been some huge alterations within modern society that reflect so much of it’s present dysfunction.”

Yes indeed there have been massive alterations in our societal makeup which is to blame for our many unforeseen dysfunctionalities. Massive alterations can also be viewed as progress in science and technology. Take for example the field of medicine. “For most of human history, medicine   could  do little  to prevent or cure illness or extend life, and living to an old age required considerable good fortune.  But now medicine has not only cured illness but extended life thus changing our perception of aging and death.”(Field MJ, 1997)

Over half a century ago, Alan Watts wrote, “…problem  is that people live far longer because of medicine, and the aging population is accustomed to thinking that death can be indefinitely postponed.” (Watts, 1978). Hence, aging and eventually death in our global culture is an act of resistance. How to avoid it, how not to talk about it, how to think of things other than our mortality. And we continue to avoid this important conversation with ourselves and with others.

In his book, “The Second Wind”, Dr. Bill Thomas navigates us to a path of facing our eventual mortality, and reflecting upon it. He suggests that life can be reimagined. It’s a time of reflection, of new understanding, of illumination.  New ways of living and working are waiting to be explored as we age. He guides us into ways of recognizing our most challenging yet most fulfilling stage in life which he refers to as “Elderhood”.

Elderhood, he writes, “offers a depth that far exceeds either the untested innocence of childhood or the frenzied activities of adulthood. Age requires new and unfamiliar and unpleasant sacrifices from us.  For Americans and especially for members of the postwar generation, elderhood remains an undiscovered territory. We can explore it if we have the courage to go deep inside ourselves. Its with losing the fear of death that we will be rewarded with a feeling of accomplishment.”

A large body of research points to cultural and historical influences that shape our attitudes towards death and some recent research also affirms that death is an individual journey, shaped by our personal biographies. In most cultures, younger relatives often have a difficult understanding the stories elders tell and retell, writes Dr. Thomas.  “…. if it’s not dementia, then I suggest that they understand that repetition is sort of a sophisticated effort to address unresolved conflict, long suppressed anger and disappointments. ”

For Americans and especially for members of the postwar generation, elderhood remains an undiscovered territory. We can explore it if we have the courage to go deep inside ourselves. It’s with losing the fear of death that we will be rewarded with a feeling of accomplishment…..Elderhood is deep. (The Second Wind –pg. 217)

James, I wish to acknowledge you for having led me to this important book. A few years ago, I too did a study on how to reduce fear of death, and whether reflection on this important subject could ease anxiety and depression among the elderly, who are now confined to nursing homes, assisted living facilities and  long term care centers.

“The conquest of the fear of death is the recovery of life’s joy. One can experience an unconditional affirmation of life only when one has accepted death, not as contrary to life, but as an aspect of life. Life in its becoming is always shedding death, and on the point of death. The conquest of fear yields the courage of life.”
— Joseph Campbell
Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth with Bill Moyers (book) (p. 125) (jcf.org)

Shaheda

 

 

[Dennis Slattery]

Hi Shaheda: I am in Ohio visiting family and friends. My response may be a bit shorter because this laptop is not friendly to my fingers on the keys.

I have made a note of Bill Thomas’ book. Thank you for it.

I agree with your observations and his that we have truncated death from life. I remember decades ago reading The Denial of Death by Ernst Becker. It has become a classic in sociology and psychology.

I think that JC wrote at one point that myth making can also become a way to avoid death, to try to override it, so to master it.

I have thought much about that. But the true crux for me is the inability to see death as part of the eternal rhythm of life and death. I have thought that what separates Captain Ahab from the narrator Ishmael in Moby Dick is that the latter comes to embrace that rhythm while the former rails against it. So their worlds are very different places: Ahab’s is dark and brodding, Ishmael’s leans to the comic, which is not about laughter but about treasuring the preciousness of life in its elegant ordinariness.

Perhaps it is a symptom of an adolescent view of life divorced from death that begins the gnawing problem. What could be worse than the thought of not ever dying? Now that may be a version of Hell worthy of Rod Serling.

My best and more when I return home.

Dennis

[Dennis Slattery]

Hi James: I am in Ohio for a week visiting family and friends so I may be a bit brief here, but wanted to check in with you and Shaheda:

I love your observations and share Shahda’s gratitude for the Bill Thomas reference. I will get to his 17 minute Youtube talk very soon.

We are living in a time when everything should be revisited, renewed, reknewed–as in known again–and reconsidered. What are the terms of being cast as an elder rather than an aged person? And what are the terms of being a youth–a puer–rather than a younger person? Big questions.

For me, an elder is one who can provide the people of his or her culture a context, a long view of things rather than looking only into next Tuesday. I love it that Athene, once she gets Telemachos on the journey, sends him to Pylos and Nestor, the old Greek with the long view. There his liberal arts journey begins as Nestor carries the wisdom of his community, the travails of the war and even before that incursion. He has a perspective that comes with aging in consciousness, not just living longer. Only after Telemachos learns from him is he instructed then to sail to Sparta to the palace of Menelaos and Helen. There he meets the man who gives him the shorter view and brings him closer to his father. As you said above, we need both viewpoints, both worldviews, to mature into ourselves as individuals and as a nation. And as Athene is his guide, we need the presence of divine consciousness to accomplish the task.

Our culture thinks liberal learning and the humanities are divorced from “the real world,” whatever the heck that is! They fail to see the utilitarian value of the insights into living a fulfilling and purpose-directed life and how the world of say, Homer, offers us a field in which we can imagine our own transformation. We all need rich, aesthetic fields of influence and confluence to individuate. You and Shaheda have chosen that path. You are both on the pilgrimage to elderhood. Bravo!

More when I return home. Much gratitude to you both.

[Author]

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