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Reply To: Heroic Fear, Foolishness, and Creative Ecstasy”, with Leigh Melander, Ph.D.”


Thank you James for your considerate and thoughtful response in return to me!
I am glad to hear you are working things out with your inner Minotaur!

That is wonderful!

The funny thing is you found a “thread” I had not even written…that is true for me…I’d left it unmentioned.

As for the “instructional videos” on social media…that’s a learning curve. Ha ha. I have taught/coached/choreographed for individuals both in competitive levels and in regional/local theater production. And have made instructional one on one YouTubes and that was great. But by avoiding Zoom connection I played the “fool” and made my “invisible watchers” too broad an audience. So the teacher in me over-detailed ha ha ha. It was okay…mostly accepted and enjoyed.
But I enjoy a conversational style of teaching. So had to go back to drawing board. Point is I survived.
But your empathy and your words below, Really moved me, because you are picking up something much deeper…another project…
Something I had not brought to the light of day in this thread. And something, which has been waiting a long time to see The Light of Day.

Here are your words James:

“Thank you so much for your kind and generous efforts in including me in some of your thoughts and I was deeply moved by your personal struggle to give wings to your muse “and” the connection to (your story).”

Dancing is my first forte. (Though in the long run I chose to be a more freelance professional dancer/choreographer/teacher with some exceptions.)

But after teaching myself to play guitar, in 2008-2009 I put out a CD of “Story Songs” I had written. My first cd. A wonderful talented musician from Brooklyn  (lead guitarist) and  friend agreed to produce it. What a marvelous learning experience loved it! And my Mom worked on the design.

Then in 2012 I made another one with a different producer, a Nashville session drummer.
My Mom was working on the design graphics of this one as well.

But she had Parkinson’s and it was rough. And the design part was never completed beyond photos and notes.
Life seemed to take dark gray turns into a Modorian Labyrinth both beneath thunder, rain and sun.
I lost heart and the will to finish the project we both loved.
Roads fell into roads…with bright glimmers flickering back into consciousnesss through music concerts, gigs…friends and green city parks. Until I came full circle home again in a way.
And only now TEN years later…after ripping grief and “Mordor”

I have burned more CD copies and have a local graphic designer working on design…looks nice.
The reason your comment really moved me James is when you said “give wings to your muse,” THAT is part of my thank yous… “these broken wings are finally ready…”

And it is True…yet all the uncertainties come back in worrying about things being just so from design to even making videos and having to be able to trust the freedom of the fool to “just let go,” when it’s the last project my Mom and I worked on together.
How many video takes must I do? When will I be ready? Design etc.? To just say “yes?”
But the strange part is The theme of the cd is about that kind of letting go and trusting the adventure, answering the CALL  no matter what happens as Leigh as written here! So Of Course…THAT is staring me in the face! (So I’m getting there…a little bit)

Even though all that time is built up inside. 
But NO Matter what happens in the Aftermath…I KNOW that I’m finally doing it…and THAT is enough because it is Everything…and I will imagine my Mom also knowing this. 🥲

That is why your journeys as a musician James reached me. I Have huge admiration for other friends who are musicians and in bands. It was really listening to music that began to glimmer back into my life. Listening and occasionally dancing to that wonderful live music from live bands.

I’m more of a dancer/musician 😉 than a musician/dancer but I still love it!


Thank you James!