I hear you, Stephen!
There are so many times that I can’t seem to mobilise power, even though I know better. But often I don’t really know better because my mindset is using aggression to try and get things done and I’m living from a fear-based mentality.
But it’s about putting to bed this idea of trying to become some sort of fierce, armoured, Amazon warrior woman because when I’m in my left brain, I can’t feel my body. I’m trapped in the death rattle of the left brain versus the flow of the right brain. And that’s when I know it’s time to give up the battle and accept life on life’s terms … to be with the world as it is … for what it is.
The whole point of any therapy is for the therapist to accept the client as they are. It’s being a master of that Gestalt psychology phrase that ‘any attempt to change is bound to failure.’ But who am I if I don’t change? And how does not changing feel in my body, rather than asking the question as an abstract thought? But keeping it really simple, I know that I won’t change until I do.
And it’s about quitting trying to change and constantly self-improve and instead embracing who and where I am now. Constantly thinking that I have some other better life to live is the issue. It’s that thought, which is so toxic, and keeps me trapped at such a long distance from my body.
It’s also avoiding those elementary, self-help articles with headlines such as, ‘Why you know better, but have the inability to do better.’ We can’t better or improve something that’s meant to die. The one who can’t do better is the one who must die. Metaphorically, of course. But often we keep efforting to maintain a circular life and not a spiral one. A spiral life moves us up and forward but often we feel stuck because we’re trying to stay in the same groove. It gives us security, but yet again, we’re doing our very best to try and keep an old dimension alive that wants – and is scheduled – to die. So, to answer your question, how do I find my way back? I keep dying again and again and again.
Anyway, I look forward to being in all forms of dialogue and topics with you this week – Kristina.