Yes, we are all suffering together. Often when we’re stripped of our usual stories we must give up the false projections of ourselves. To peel away the defences and ego-identifications, we need to admit that we’re not totally in control of the curveballs. And they aren’t happening only to us. Only to one person, in almost eight billion people.
How do we surrender the judgments, powerlessness and addiction to outmoded rituals of perfection? How can we quit trying to know it all? Lose ourselves to become ourselves? There’s no guarantee that everything will – or won’t – go to plan.
In times like these, it’s so easy to be in the underbelly of exhaustion, suppression and distortion again. We’re up against dark forces. We need to know whom we are ‘fighting.’ Personally, I often can’t for the life of me shake this feeling that everything I do is wrong, that it should’ve been done differently, and could’ve been done a million times better. And so I stay stuck in a cycle of shame and guilt with this carousel of thoughts, a debilitating, self-lacerating, inner voice and internalised oppression. My narrative exacerbates the trauma, while my judgments freeze my heart. When did I decide to let judgment and cruelty form my dominant, inner voice? And to be so loud that it drowns out love’s expression?
I’m reminded of this Rudolf Steiner quote: “But every criticism, every adverse judgment passed, disperses the powers of the soul for the attainment of higher knowledge in the same measure that all veneration and reverence develops them.” The ‘enemies’ within are not meant to be met with violence but with love, mercy and compassion. Can we bring the fragments and polarities within ourselves together? Can we unite them? This splintering of good and bad, right and wrong, is a constant tension in our psyches. This dualism must end and often can only be transmuted by active expressions of grace.