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Reply To: Seeking guidance: dealing with an old refusal

#72580
jamesn.
Participant

Hello Lollo, and welcome here, so glad to be here with you.

I was so impressed by your extremely thoughtful questions and the way you have approached your life. So far from what you have said, (at least to me), is that you are in a really good mental place to figure this out because life “is full of conflict”; and part of the hero’s journey is to become who you truly are; and that means inner conflicts are also “a source as well as a hurdle” for finding the answers that you may need. We all want to feel like we are making the “correct” choices; and “crossroads” are tough business because you are up against your own decision. Well, what if we don’t know which way to go or what we should do, and we are stuck not knowing what direction we should take and are looking for answers trying to read the road signs we may be missing?

There may be many suggestions to choose from, but all I can say is your post reminds me of something I remember Joseph said to Michael Toms in his book: “An Open Life”; on page 110, where they are talking about this same kind of life crisis:
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Joseph: “I think the individual has to find his own model. I found mine.”

Toms: “Isn’t it important to respect our own uniqueness?”

Joseph: “I think that’s the most important thing of all. That’s why, as I said, you really can’t follow a guru. You can’t ask somebody to give “The Reason”, but you can find one for yourself; you decide what the meaning of your life is to be. People talk about the meaning of life, there is no meaning of life—there are lots of meanings of different lives, and you must decide what you want your own to be.”

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We all need advice from time to time and sometimes sounding boards are a really good thing. But from my understanding much of Joseph’s message about “following one’s bliss” has to do with making decisions about following what one’s sense of their own eternity is; that deep sense as he said of being: “in it”; and if you follow your instincts that way doors will open where you did not know there were going to be doors because it is your life course you are considering; and part of the hero’s journey is into the dark forest where: “there is no path”; right? It is “your path”; and no one has been there before; because if there is a path: “it is not your path”. It’s a sort of alchemical cooking that’s going on inside you that’s leading you forward and as Joseph mentions: “all you get are little clues”; (sometimes an occasional helper); but in the end it’s your journey. And when you look back over your life it will inform you about who you are and the importance of your choices. So, to me this is not a question of out there somewhere but looking inside you for the answers you may need.

From your post it sounds like you have really good instincts for figuring this out; and others may have things to add; but you are the only one who knows if any of this resonates for you. (I really like the way you are thinking this through; so best of luck on what you decide; and again; a warm welcome here.)