Reply To: Seeking guidance: dealing with an old refusal
Lollo; as an addendum I went looking and found something I want to add that may help further answer some of your questions.
On page 63; of Diane Osbon’s: “Reflections on the Art of Living – A Joseph Campbell Companion”; where Joseph is reflecting on his years where he dropped out and read for 5 years and here are some insights he got from that period.
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“I don’t know what it was during those five years, but I was convinced I would still be alive for a little while. I remember one time when I had a dollar bill in the top drawer of a little chest, and I knew as long as that was there I still had resources. It was great. I had no responsibilities, none. It was exciting—writing journals, trying to find out what I wanted. I still have those things. When I look at them now, I can’t believe it.
Actually, there were times when I almost thought—almost thought—“Jeez, I wish someone would tell me what I had to do,” that kind of thing. Freedom involves making decisions, and each decision is a destiny decision. It’s a very difficult to find in the outside world something that matches what the system inside you is yearning for. My feeling now is that I had a perfect life: what I needed came along just when I needed it. What I needed then was life without a job for five years. It was fundamental.
As Schopenhauer says, when you look back over your life, it looks as though it were a plot, but when you are into it, it’s just a mess: one surprise after another. Then, later you see it was perfect. So, I have a theory that if you are on your own path things are going to come to you. Since it’s your path, and no one has ever been on it before, there is no precedent, so everything that happens is a surprise and is timely.”
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One last thing that might be of interest is this clip with Joseph discussing the “Left Hand Path” of the Hero’s Journey.
Hopefully all of this will be of extra help to you!