[Lollo]

Hello JamesN,

Thank you so much for taking the time to compose such a wonderful and insightful answer to my post. I really appreciate it and it does give me some clues as to how to move forward. I am going to take a look in my dream journal and see if I get any insights there; that’s the clearest image of my subconscious I have on hand.
I grew up to atheist parents so I feel my best shot at this point is to live for the bliss.

When I felt that first pull to Austin I felt eternity awaiting and that sun door with JC speaks of. Now I’m trying to find it again, and moving to Austin just doesn’t feel as obvious of a pull as it once did. I think my consciousness is definitely not pro Austin and for good reasons; moving there would be a mad man’s move; only someone with clear pull would do it, and I’m not sure I have that pull anymore; I just have the desire to answer a calling of the same potency. In fact, I think the reason this is all bubbling out of me two years later is because there’s a sense of picking up the trail where it left off. I last felt the major pull then so going to Austin would be simply picking up the trail. But it ain’t that simple of course; I have also been looking at images of Granada, Spain, and the flamenco dancers who dance in the medieval streets; I feel I need to go there too, and my consciousness is totally pro Spain.

There’s something about Austin that truly feels beyond the horizon however, a really pitch black forest, Mordor, the underworld, out of sight; Spain feels a bit more secure to me with its socialized healthcare, proximity to family, and the lot, which is something that I actually appreciate greatly. As you can see the conflict is real haha

Not to mention the fact that I slayed the damn dragon once already with my 5 year journey in american college; isn’t my return to Europe the return home?

Thank you again, very much for your thoughtful answer it really does help me.

best,
lollo